I cannot deal anymore, period.
The jealously, the anger, the fatigue, the poverty.
I have got to get out of here.
I need a break. Like a coma-style break. Where life moves on without me and I get to start over. But without the coma, I suppose.
I am too emotionally involved. I miss b/p-ing and exercising and only caring about how I looked and obsessing and not caring about boys or work or money, just thin. It swallowed me whole. I have to get back there. I am willing a relapse of sorts. I can't start purging again but I cna obsess. I need a distraction from all that is bad in my life. Everything else will emlt away and all i will see is thin.
5:11 p.m. - 2005-12-09
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