Still vacilating between 142 and 145. My stomach is fucking huge. I wish I could just slice it off and throw it out the window. I don't understand how it gets bigger even when I am restricting. Not that I'm doing a very job of that. 1300 cals the past 2 days and 1000 today. I am always so fucking hungry. I disgust myself. Its times like this that I truly misss being bulimic. But the bleeding gums and constant chest pains aren't worth it. I don't want to die while I'm still fat. I bet if I was thing I'd be puking every damn day.
Tomorrow is my last day of work. Thank God. I am ready to move away from here and my pathetic waste of a life. I feel like I lost my soul when I moved here. I got fat, told people about my ED, got pregnant, had an abortion, started cheating on my vegetarianism (fucking greedy binging bitch,) took a shit job and lost any writing talent I had left. I need to escape myself and the life I've created for myself.
I've finally stopped looking for true love. I'm too fucked up to even think abotu something like that. As long as I am thin and have a job I like and a few friends and my family, then I will be as happy as I could hope to be.
8:03 p.m. - 2004-08-26
Recent entries:
- - 2016-03-14
Still alive - 2016-02-14
- - 2015-11-05
- - 2015-10-02
- - 2015-09-09
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
julymalaise
usb-port
alethia
englishsucks
lisasays
moodswing
fat0free0air
cloudy-night
atwowaydream
silver4
enurta
soon
warpednormal
ecstasia
limes-sugar
hungry-hippo