Apparently I may have od'ed on Adderall over Thanksgiving. i ended up in the ER yesterday not being able to breath. It was either an OD or a panic attack directly caused by the medication because I have never had a panic attack before but I did have similar types of issues the last time I over-partied with Adderall. It was scary I had chest pressure for a few days but it got so bad I walked myself to the ER and had to have someone help me to the triage area. I felt like I was dying and although it was something very simple at least I know.
The doctor asked if I was trying to kill myself. I was like "of course not" because I wasn't. But as I sit here unable to even pay my rent; with tons of outstanding bills to pay and my credit in the shitter and no way of getting a raise or a second job, our bonuses were taken away while our directors and board members go to Can-fucking-cun this week; i realize maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if I had died. This is what life does to people sometimes. I am going to be selling plasma if I can and I am considering either stripping or worse. And no I am not kidding. It really has come to this.