So I had a nice 3 month coke relapse that I am strongly debating continuing. I know I should stop but its fun. Really it's the cost that will stop me more than the damage to my health.

I have been in good spirits lately in any case. K has been but a far away memory. He always claims I am jealous of him or her. But really he is putting too much stake in my feelings for him. They fade a little very day. He makes references to what we will do for his birthday or mine and I laugh inside. He will be lucky if I am still taking to him in 60 days. Since he does not want to be with me he bores me. I have no use for him. I have plenty of friends. He would not make a good one. The only interest he holds for me is that I want to sleep with him. Nothing else. Oh and I want him to want me I guess.

It is sad that this is what my relationships come to. If I wasn't annoyed by the idea of him being with somebody else I would have been gone after my birthday in October.

I am very annoyed that he thinks he has this hold over me.

I think i will have to hurt him a little to make him see the error of his ways.

Useless stupid boy.