Film shoot went very well. I met some new people, was bubbly and hilarious as always when things are new and fresh. Married guy is obviously still in love with me. Told me how much he missed me and all of that. Told me how lovely I looked. I felt nothing. After all of this I felt nothing. Not anger, not sadness. Just nothing.
In other news work is kind of shitty as always. I realize I hate working for other people. Like most people I am sure. But I really hate it. I would rather have the power to make my own decisions and take the heat if I make a mistake or defend myself when I don't. As it is I take all the heat and everybody else looks the other way. They tell me to do the wrong thing or don't check my work ( I am still new) and I get in trouble. Fuck that. I deserve bosses who have balls of steel not cotton balls.
I loved doing that freelance article. Independent but not totally on my own. That is what I truly want to do. I have a year to figure out how to be really good at it before I move back to NYC. Wish me luck.