First and foremost I want to say thank you to Pops who customized my layout and made it look fabulous. If any of you wants a new layout or needs any help just click the "help" link on the right. Spread the word! She deserves the publicity.

Today's the big day! Madonna is playing 4 songs with a full band and 1 acoustic song from what I've heard. Then she is doing a signing. Woohoo! Unfortunately I am STILL tired from the past few days.

Yesterday I had only 800 calories. Today I'm sure I'll have that or less. I have little to no urge to eat even without my handy Dayquil. I'm not sure why.

I've been very irritible lately, but strangely I haven't been angry at myself. I haven't felt the usually shame and guilt that surround me everywhere I go. But I think the anger is worse.

Was trying to explain why I am so upset. I feel like a caricature of myself. I'm just "The Bitch" and people have gotten the idea that I have no feelings at all. They feel that they can call me mean or bitchy ALL the time and I'll think it's funny or even be FLATTERED. I'm not allowed to be sad, no one has any sympathy for me. They get mad that I'm not being fun loving. They tell me to snap out of it, that everyone feels sad sometimes.

Because I love to drink, they always expect me to be drunk. I go over to see some friends and they are pouring liquor down my throat, wondering why I'm not fucked up, since I'm much more fun that way.

If I'm playing around with them and they don't like it, they take on the "victim" role. Showing that the big mean bitch is picking on them. The other day when we were waiting in line for Madonna passes, we were all hudled under our blanket. One of my friends was caressing my knee to freak me out. So I did the same to one of our other friends, except on the underside of his leg on his thigh. He said I was grabbing his ass. I was like dude your ass is way up there. He laughed when i did it so we all kept playing until suddenly I was "violating" him. Umm excuse me when did I trun into a rapist? Must have missed that part. Another time I was leaning over to pull up the blanket and he was like another 2 inches and you would have landed in my crotch. As if I had done it on purpise. Umm, yes, I make it a point ot sexually harass all of my friends especially the gay male ones. This si the same group of people that feel free to grab my boobs whenever they see fit. It doesn't bother me cause they are gay but when thei dude accuses me of "violating" him.....fuck the bullshit. This is not someone I need around me.

Also while we were waiting in line we decided to take turns going to the bar. There were 5 of us so we went in groups of 2 or 3 so that no one had to stay bakc by themselves. Of course when it was my turn to save our place in line, everyone left. So I was by myself. Fucking whores. Then they come back and I'm supposed to feel sorry for them because 2 of the guys were hitting on each other and the other 2 are hurt/sad/jealous/whatever. It's like I'm surrounded by fucking 3 year olds.